Creative Date Ideas

Creative Date Ideas

If you want to inject a little romance or spontaneity into a date, without breaking the bank, try following some of these ideas. You might just surprise yourself – and your partner!

1. Hike to the top of a mountain for a picnic.

2. Take a rowboat out on a lake at sunset.

3. Go up to the top of a building in a large city and take in the view.

4. Dress for a formal party, and then walk down the streets singing love songs.

5. Find a dark, romantic bistro with great coffees and desserts, or an independent book store that encourages browsing.

6. Find a rarely-used corner deep in the stacks of your library. Blow the dust off some musty old volume and read it aloud together. Steal a few hot kisses.

7. Pretend you've just won the lottery. "Shop" for your dream furnishings in elegant craft galleries, jewellery stores, and similar shops.

8. Test drive a sports car together.

9. Visit a specialty food factory such as a chocolate factory.

10. Browse a ritzy museum, gift shop or art gallery.

11. Drive along the outer borders of your city or county, exploring new neighbourhoods and villages where you've never been.

12. Ride a city's entire public rail transit system, going out on remote branch lines, just for the heck of it.

13. Spend the whole evening dressed and acting as characters from a play, movie, or book that you both enjoyed.

14. Speak only gibberish and let your thoughts be understood from your emotions, gestures, and tone.

15. Explore a wild and scenic place you've always wanted to check out.

16. Walk around celebrity neighbourhoods, looking for glimpses of the rich and famous.

17. Do something completely out of character--something you ordinarily wouldn't be caught dead even thinking about.

18. Go explore a local flea market one Saturday.

19. Get a guide book for your city. See you area through the eyes of tourists. You will be amazed at all the attractions that are hidden nearby.

20. Star gazing - Get a book on constellations and watch the stars. This can be especially fun during a meteor shower.

Ideas for Girls:

1. Go rollerblading. If you know how to roller blade and he doesn't, teach him. If he knows and you don't, let him teach you. This date is great for breaking the ice because both of you will embarrass yourselves so much that you won't help but be able to laugh. Your true personalities will show.

2. Go for a walk, maybe some coffee after. It seems simple enough, but you'd be surprised about what you'd find out about someone if you'd just give them a chance to tell you. Besides, there's nothing like the ambiance of a great, romantic cafe to get you in the mood.

Ideas for Guys:

1. There's nothing like a good picnic. You can't argue with a classic.

2. Go to see the planes take off. This may be a little difficult, but sometimes there are little nooks and crannies by the highways and roads off of the runways. You can lie down on top of the hood of the car or lay a blanket on the ground and watch as the planes fly right over your head.

3. Plan a romantic evening with chocolate covered strawberries and slow music. Find some of her favourite songs and compile them onto one cassette and play them while you feed her strawberries.

Seasonal Ideas:

Winter Ideas

1. Make a lunch or dinner of hot soup and rolls together and set the table with candles. Play your favourite music.

2. Have an indoor picnic -- lay out a blanket and bring a picnic basket -- just have it on your living room floor!

3. Build a fire and roast marshmallows. If you don't have a fireplace, build a small safe campfire outside. Be sure to put it out completely when you're done and before leaving the area.

4. Build a snow fort together.

5. Surprise your date with "Summer in a Bag!" Get creative: Gather together 2 pairs of sunglasses, coconut suntan oil (for the smell of summer), Put on a Beach Boys CD, blow up a beach ball to toss and pretend it's hot out. It's silly, but it can take the edge out of the winter blues.

6. Make a snowman and snowwoman.

7. Go ice skating.

8. Make angels in the snow.

9. Bundle up and go someplace to watch the sun set over a silhouette of bare trees. As the sun goes down, watch them appear black and strikingly beautiful against the sky.

10. Go to a cappuccino bar, drink decaf and get to know one another.

11. Go sleigh riding.

12. Go for a walk in the snow and catch snow flakes on your tongue.

13. End a winter walk with hot chocolate and mini marshmallows.

14. Go to an arcade.

15. Rent a movie and pop some corn.

16. Rent and watch the video "It's a Wonderful Life!"

17. Assemble a really challenging puzzle.

18. Play board games.

19. Take a night-time walk to look at your neighbours holiday decorations and lights.

20. Go skiing -- downhill or cross-country.

Spring Ideas

1. Go wild-flower hunting. Pick your date a bouquet of wild-flowers. Put some in his/her hair.

2. Go for a walk in the park together.

3. Plant a window garden together.

4. Skip stones on a lake.

5. Have a picnic.

6. Go horseback riding.

7. Go on a hike.

8. Hire a professional guide and go rock climbing.

9. Go on a hot air balloon ride.

10. Go to the zoo to see the new baby animals that were born this spring.

11. Go for a walk in the rain (an umbrella is optional) and sing "Singing in the Rain!" really loudly.

12. Rent a bicycle built for two.

13. Go to a comedy club.

14. Look in your local paper for free or inexpensive concerts, shows and fairs.

15. Go to a park and play on the swings.

16. Play tennis.

Summer Ideas

1. Go to the top of a very tall building to watch the sun go down.

2. Jump through sprinklers together.

3. Go star gazing. Name a star for your date.

4. Lie on the grass and watch clouds. Use your imagination and talk about what you see in the clouds.

5. Go to an amusement park, go on scary rides and eat cotton candy.

6. Go rafting or canoeing or tubing (using a truck inner tube).

7. Walk on the beach. Bury each other in the sand.

8. Visit a boardwalk or carnival and play games.

9. Get up really early and meet to watch the sun rise -- then go for breakfast at a diner.

10. Run in a 5 K race together.

11. Do a walk-a-thon (for some cause you care about) together.

12. Go fishing.

13. Write a message and tie it to a balloon (or send it off in a bottle). Ask whoever finds it to mail you the message and tell you where they found it.

14. Get a group together and go camping.

15. Make home made ice-cream!

16. Watch a Little League game and cheer like you're watching the pros.

Fall Ideas

1. Decorate the house for Halloween or Thanksgiving.

2. Carve pumpkins.

3. Go apple picking and make an apple pie with the apples.

4. Go in-line skating.

5. Make a scarecrow together.

6. Go bike riding.

7. Get a big old barrel, water, and apples and invite a group of friends to dunk for apples. Have a camera available. There will be great shots!

8. Go to a flea market. Find the silliest thing for sale.

9. Go to a historic site. Try to talk like people from that period of time.

10. Go to a football game and cheer for the underdog, or for your home team.

Communication in Relationship

Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and wherever we perform routine tasks.

Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person.

Do you identify with any of these statements?

"He never listens to me when I talk!"

"She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"

"It's like talking to a brick wall"

"I can't get through to you"

"We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"

"She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"

"He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues" 

"The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself. 

Confrontational (win or lose, blaming) 

Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming) 

Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal) 

Giving in (passive, submissive) 

Avoidance (denial, withdrawal) 

Compromise (meet halfway, understanding) 

Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation) 

Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty) 

Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. (See our body language section)

Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.

Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication

1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.

2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.

3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.

4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.

5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.

6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.

Listening and Feedback

Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication.

Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.

Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.

Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind.

It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.

If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.

Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:

Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:

When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.

When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:

1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!

2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.

3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…”

4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.

5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.

6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.

7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.

8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.

Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication

Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.

Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.

19 Steps to Effective Communication

1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)

3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”.

5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …”

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)

9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure.

10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.

14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.”

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.

18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.

19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.

Summary

As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.

Meaning Of The Body Language

Body Language

Up to 93% of communication is non verbal and much of this is body language. Knowing how to read body language can mean that you don’t pick up the wrong signals, or miss the silent messages that someone really likes you!

Luckily body language can be very easy to learn, which is a good thing, as it is possibly one of the most important languages that you can learn. You will probably recognise many of the following examples from your own behaviour, or from those close to you. Once you know how to read these signs from people around you, you’ll get a good idea of the workings of their minds and thought processes.

Let’s say you are out on a date and want to take things further. Before you do so, you need to know if the other person is interested. Look out for these tell tale signs and you will never be left guessing again!

Male body language:

If a man is showing an interest he will appear to be standing taller, by puffing up his chest and pulling in his tummy. You may see him correcting his appearance, straightening his tie (if he is wearing one) and generally preening himself. A sure sign that he is interested is hooking his thumbs in his belt. This subconsciously highlights his genital region and says that he is virile!

Watch out for body positioning. If he turns his body towards you it shows that he is interested, particularly if either of his feet are pointing towards you.

If he is standing with his hands on his hips, he is appearing to make himself bigger and ready to take things further.

The eyes are a great giveaway and are often referred to as the ‘window to the soul’. When someone is holding their gaze, even for a fraction of a second longer than is necessary, especially when combined with dilated pupils, it is a sure sign that you are in luck! A man’s intimate gaze is generally quite obvious. If his eye movements follow a triangle shaped pattern (that is eye to eye, down to the mouth, the rest of the body, and then back up to the eyes again) is another giveaway that he likes you.

Female body language:

Women generally display similar preening and grooming characteristics to men, but there are other signals to look out for which show that they are expressing in interest in the person they’re talking to.

One such sign is the ‘head toss’, this can be done by women with both long and short hair and is used to capture someone’s attention by revealing their neck. Exposed wrists can also be a sign of interest, as can showing the palms of her hands while talking to you. An open palm is often seen as a sign of openness and sincerity.

As with male body language, if her foot or knee is pointing towards you (especially if her legs are crossed) this gives a clear sign of interest. Crossed legs are also seen as being a relaxed informal position. If she lets the shoe from her top leg slip off her foot and then starts playing with it – this is often seen as a sign of interest.

Don’t forget to look out for the eyes, as women are excellent at using the intimate gaze – that is holding your gaze for a moment longer than normal, and following the triangle formation. (Eye to eye, down to the mouth, followed by the rest of the body and then back up to the eyes again). This movement is known as ‘eyeing someone up’.

Another good sign of attraction is if she is coiling her hair around her finger and tilting her head whilst talking to you. And don’t forget to look out for that warm natural smile!

Making the first move

Once you are getting the message that your partner may be interested, and you want some further feedback, it is time to use a technique called ‘excuse touching’. This is non threatening, non sexual behaviour that basically gives you an excuse to touch your partner and shows that you interested, and is a great way to give your partner the opportunity to respond. Excuse touching can be anything from touching their arm whilst talking, to letting your hands touch. If your partner feels the same way, they will often find similar excuses to touch you, or prolonging your touch.

If your partner is not responding to your advances, be aware that this probably means that they are not interested in taking things further. Likewise, if you are interested in the person that is excuse touching you, make sure that you respond – otherwise they may think you are not interested and will back off. You don’t want to miss out on a good opportunity!

Look at these expressions of body language. How many do you recognise…?

Body Language	Meaning
Brisk, erect walk	Confidence
Standing with hands on hips	Readiness, aggression
Sitting, legs apart	Open, relaxed
Arms crossed on chest	Defensiveness
Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched	Dejection
Hand to cheek	Evaluation, thinking
Touching, slightly rubbing nose	Rejection, doubt, lying
Rubbing the eye	Doubt, disbelief
Hands clasped behind back	Anger, frustration, apprehension
Locked ankles	Apprehension
Head resting in hand, eyes downcast	Boredom
Rubbing hands	Anticipation
Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed	Confidence, superiority
Open palm	Sincerity, openness, innocence
Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed	Negative evaluation
Tapping or drumming fingers	Impatience
Steepling fingers	Authoritative
Patting/fondling hair	Lack of self-confidence; insecurity
Tilted head	Interest
Stroking chin	Trying to make a decision
Looking down, face turned away	Disbelief
Biting nails	Insecurity, nervousness
Pulling or tugging at ear	Indecision

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First Dating Gift

Is it OK to ask for an expensive gift?

My boyfriend of four months asked me whether I wanted to let him pick out my Christmas gift or whether I wanted to pick it out myself. I told him I trusted his taste and that he should get me whatever he wants. But the truth is, I'm really hoping that he'll get me jewellery. I think it's what boyfriends should get their girlfriends for Christmas. But I'm not sure if he thinks the same way. But how could I tell him that I want jewels? It's not the cheapest kind of gift. How can I drop subtle hints without seeming crass? You've already blown your opportunity. If you really don't trust his taste, you shouldn't have told him you did. Now you want to manipulate him, right? It's fair to point out things you like in store windows and magazines and ask whether he thinks they're pretty too. Since this is a relatively new relationship, it's not really appropriate to expect costly jewels. You might want to reflect on what your expectations of this fellow are and whether they're realistic. Why don't you give the guy a break and wait and see what happens? You might be pleasantly surprised. Remember that the only meaningful gifts we have to give are our time and attention. If they translate into jewels, great. But don't discard the attributes that give the relationship real value.